Motherhood brings a whole new meaning to joy. The joy you get when you see your baby's face for the first time is something you can never describe. The joy and love as your child grows and thrives is wonderful, and nothing can compare! What you don't realize when you day dream about becoming a mom is that it is one of the hardest things on this earth. For me, there have been days of joy, doubt, contentment, anxiety, feeling inadequate, feeling like I got it all together, exhaustion, etc. It was when I just recently took a good look at myself and realized that something was missing, joy. I have been a born again Christian since I was 14, and have never stopped loving Jesus since, but I was so drained from life, and I wasn't going back to him be refilled. The joy of the Lord is my strength, right? There have been day where I've repeated these words over and over. There have been days where I have cried out to Jesus for this so called joy that people say believers are suppose to have. Most of my days of being a wife and mother sadly have not felt joyful, and I realize that I have turned into a very negative person. I feel like I'm finally coming out of this season of my life, God has been bringing me through a journey, one that leads to true joy. I feel as if I am coming up to breath, learning to love and trust Jesus in a way I have never known before. He has been leading me down a path called minimalism. Really it has already been around, it just has a fancy name now. Pretty much I'm learning to let go of stuff, and as I let go of stuff I am learning to let of my negative thinking. I have been going through my house room by room getting rid of bagfuls of stuff, most of it I had forgotten I even owned. As I've worked through my house I've realized just how much my stuff has affected my life. The clutter has caused stress and anxiety, the constant cleaning has caused me to push aside time with my kids, husband, and even Jesus. I have always been the mom who freaks out on my kids whenever they break or ruin something, but God is teaching me that stuff is simply stuff. It should have no hold on your life, because if it does then it's really an idle. Today I slipped out on the back porch to spend a few minutes of alone time with Jesus, the kids were watching TV. When I came back inside my son was on top of the counter and had dumped an entire bottle of castor oil all over a brand new box of brand new tea,(a cup of tea is my down time and I'm a tea snob so it wasn't cheap). This is not out of the ordinary for my son Sammy, he is a rascal and ruins something of mine every day, but in this moment I wanted to scream and cry because I love my tea! Instead I heard a gentle voice speaking to me, and I calmed myself and chanted "it is only stuff." So I sent my son to his room so I could clean up the very big mess, then after, I had a moment to tell my very upset toddler that I loved him and forgave him. Then I popped him into the bath,(he had castor oil all over him) and started mentally processing what Jesus is doing in my life. Just a couple of weeks ago I would have screamed, thrown a temper tantrum, then called my Mom, husband, and friends to complain and tell them what a hard life I'm living, but instead Jesus reminded me that it is just stuff, and nothing on this earth matters except for him and the ones you love. I am wanting to share my journey, I have started quite a few blogs but didn't continue for very long, but I simply want to share what Jesus is doing in my life. He is so incredible and I do not give him enough of the credit that he deserves for every breath that I breath.
Jesus thank you for this life that you have given to each one of us. There are so many things that we can allow to distract us from you, and pull us down a road to discontentment, but please help us to keep our gaze on you, and remind us that you are all that matters. Let our lives please you.
Amen.